It's not about me or you

I like community outreaches, however, my only experience was with adopt-a-highway. Yesterday was a first with a big community outreach event like Convoy of Hope.

Few weeks ago, our Sunday bulletin provided info for church members who were interested in assisting because there was a need for volunteers in the prayer tent. 

First, I was excited but then doubt entered my mind because I don't have a boldness like others. However, the Sunday after-there was the announcement again. I decided that I'll go. 

As the week approached, I kept praying that God keep me focused on what I'm being called to do...

I was called to volunteer

I was called to glorify Him

I was called to represent Him to the best of my ability 

Friday afternoon was a rally but I was late in picking up my t-shirt. Ugh...

I arrived early yesterday morning and picked up my shirt. 

I inquired where the connection tent was located and then I was directed. As I helped set up chairs-I still kept praying for God to place me where He needed for me to be and to give me the heart and strength to minister for Him.

See, I didn't go there to represent me or my church to gain more numbers. I went to Convoy of Hope for God to use me in praying with someone seeking prayer or to open the door of opportunity for someone wanting/seeking to know Him more. 

I prayed that the intent of others didn't distract me from God's calling. 

I prayed that the intent wasn't about numbers but the intent was for souls. 

I prayed it was not a competition of churches, donations or works.

I prayed that everything said and done was a sincere effort and that if there was any glory or thanking-it was raised to God.

It's not about you 

It's not about me

It's about that person or family needing to hear, 

"Is there anything I can pray for you today?"

Connection...it's all about Him

Double blessings and Second Chances

God knows the person meant for you. 

One who will love you through thick and thin. 

One who will be your best friend and  your strongest critic.

One who will be your biggest supporter in cheering you on in whatever endeavors you are pursuing. 

I have been blessed twice with such a man who is my high school sweetheart. 

Our relationship has been a lot of valleys and mountain tops yet through it all as Dan shares, we always manage to come back to each other because in our hearts, we never left.

Our double blessings (besides the twins) is that we have two wedding anniversaries! 

Today as I write this is our "first" wedding anniversary.

If we didn't divorce, we would have been married 15 years as of today. But, it is what it is and lessons were learned during that time that brought us to our "second" anniversary, which is on November 19.

Second chances are meant for you to realize what you screwed up on and to become better the second time by knowing what you need and not do to make a marriage (or anything) work. 

Second chances from God is truly meant to honor Him by showing through your thoughts, actions and speech that you will not take advantage or take what He has blessed you with for granted. 

Second chances at marriage is affirming with God that you will honor the vows by honoring Him first and your spouse second.

Second chances is knowing the mercy and grace of my God who knows what / who we need in our lives.

I am double blessed at the second chance God gave to me and Dan and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

My Daughter

"She grew up on the side of the road

Where the church bells ring

And strong love grows

She grew up good

She grew up slow

Like American honey

Steady as a preacher

Free as a weed

Couldn't wait to get going

But wasn't quite ready to leave

So innocent, pure and sweet

American honey"

-Lady Antebellum, "American Honey"

When I first heard the lyrics of this song, I thought of my daughter. Mind you, if you're reading this, please don't think that I'm using rose-colored glasses when it comes to my children because I don't. These lyrics literally describes my daughter to a T. 

I'm writing this blog as the clock ticks towards midnight that will officially announce that my daughter is 23 years old.

 

I had her at 19 and we praise & thank God blessed us with a daughter who is the complete opposite of her parents. 

She gave her heart to the Lord at the age of 7. She willingly participated in church activities (still does). She self-motivated herself in school, graduating summa cum laude and earning a scholarship to attend a business college. And she still had the time to boss around her brothers. 

Today, she still continues to be involved in church ministries and I know she has a deep love in teaching and guiding young girls to be Christian women.

She's a working gal now!

And is a great aunt to her nephew

Through all these accomplishments and growing into a beautiful, young adult. I know it is not easy because I know it grates on you on how people will continually remark on how good you are that seems as if there is an underlying expectancy for you to maintain a high standard. 

Krys, my prayer for your 23rd birthday is that God will quiet your soul because the twenties is trying to find your identity yet many have fallen because they've run way ahead of God not waiting for His timing or allowing Him to unfold His plans for them.

I also want to encourage you as you read this blog post to stand strong and give your dreams to God. Allow Him to determine your steps on where you should go and how you will grow. 

I love you...don't ever change for the world

"Gotta hold on easy as I let you go.

Gonna tell you how much I love you, though you think you already know.

I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.

You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born.

You're beautiful baby from the outside in.

Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.

Go on, take on this whole world.

But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl." -Tim McGraw, My Little Girl

Vacation: A time to relax

I'm on a one week vacation while family from out of town is visiting and it is too relaxing. 

My goals for this week was to run, go to the beach and read. I've done all three and I'm now dark. 

Yesterday morning while Dan was out in the water, I sat on the sand reading and looking around. This made me realize that at times, God will tell us to slow down when we are rushing too and fro taking care of our families, working, church ministries, community activities, etc because we don't allow ourselves to catch our breath. 

It was nice to do things without feeling rushed. Next week is another story but I'll focus on right now-enjoying my family and the freedom to dig my toes into the sand and just breathe easily. 

Disheartened? Don't be-keep your eyes on the throne

Recent victories that leaves you with a sickening thud in your heart is your initial reaction as you read the news of the Supreme Court rulings and the actions of Texas officials. 

However, I pray for all believers and conservatives do not be faint of heart and remember the promise of Jesus that He's coming soon and will take us home.

Look forward to glory land 

Look forward to His promises

Look forward that in the end, it will be worth it all that we kept the faith despite the over-increasing odds that lays in place before Christians. 

2 Timothy 3:1-5, "...in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!"

1 Thessalonians 4:1-2, 11-12, 14-18, "Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more...." 

"...For you remember what we taught you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others..."

"...For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died. We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the Christians who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words..."

An inside look of a Christian parent to a young adult

You have that one child who for some odd reason can't stand you anymore.

You feel it in the way they talk and their actions

You stand there and look at them and wonder...what have I done to you that makes you hate us?

You try to talk with them while they shrug their shoulders and mumble nothing yet their stance is full of suppressed irritation making you feel as if you are in the wrong

A whole myriad of emotions goes through you from wanting to cry to wanting to slap them across their face to yell and say, "Who do you think you are? I gave BIRTH TO YOU! I provided THIS! I provided THAT! I tried my BEST! I brought you to SUNDAY SCHOOL! I brought you to YOUTH! and yet you stand here making me feel as if I am the worse parent in the world while I have always tried to protect you and support you."

You begin to start second guessing yourself and wonder about your parenting skill until a sense of calm washes over you with a gentle voice saying, "That's exactly what you did wrong, you have stood time and time again for your child when you should have let them fall to learn to rise up and stand on their own."

Your heart breaks...

You stare off in the distance and struggle with the inner turmoil of "If I let them fall on their own, what will happen? Will they resent us (but your child resents you already)? Will they die in their backslidden condition?"

God certainly knows what we (you) are going through. After all, we were wayward kids to Him once.

I don't know what to say at this point because I'm angry, offended, hurt, sad...

And through these emotions and struggles, my husband texted me,

"We'll get through this"

All that I am...

All that I am is because of God.

Seriously, I'm having a tearful and greatful moment because I'm reflecting on recent events. I can't help it because I am looking back and I am amazed of where God has brought me from to where I am now.

Who wouldn't be in awe especially if He had to pick you up, dust you off, point to the mirror and tell you, "See that dirty girl (or guy)? You are beautiful...so why do you want to continually be dirty? Trust me and I'll create you to be more than you ever thought you could be."

I am blessed. Not because of me but because of Him.

All I can say is that I hope and pray that I will consistently shine for Him and that no one will stumble or fall because of my idiotic actions that does happen from time to time.

Put the donut down, you're almost to the halfway mark!

This means that I have 10 more years till I'm 50. Unless if you count that I will be 41 in June, which means that I have 9 more years.

When I graduated from high school, I weighed in at 120. A year later, I shot up to 200 because I was pregnant with my first child and I ate whatever I wanted. Let me give you a glimpse of how I shot up to 200 at 19 years old...

I had a favorite place with my favorite food.

• Zippy's: Saimin and cheeseburgers
• Sizzler's: Prime rib
• Pizza Hut: Large pepperoni with extra cheese (I consumed that all by myself)
• Sears Pearlridge: A big barrel of buttered popcorn with an extra large mixed icee that I bought at Sears located in Pearlridge (back in the days)

As we skip through the 90's of curling irons and hairspray, we breeze through three more kids popping out of me with the additional retaining weight of 165.

Did I ever try to lose weight? Yes, I went to Spa Fitness Center with my girlfriends who were fit and into aerobics. Did I drop? Yes but not where I wanted to because I would actually convince them of stopping at KFC to eat.

One thing great about being in your 20's is the fact it is easier for a female to burn off and remove the excess weight.

However, being that I was being fruitful with kids...the weight would remain.

During this time, relationship was on a roller coaster and we were pretty young/immature for parents. Call it depression or just plain frustrated but this caused my weight to remain steady between 165-175.

As I entered my 30's, I was working and decided to try to lose weight by doing it the right way. I started walking and doing 30 minute strength training workouts while watching what I ate as well as drinking meal supplements in between. I started dropping by summer time, however, a life-changing event happened between me and Dan and I started working out like a fiend. Guess how much weight I was then in 2003-2004? 145....

Then, in 2006, I let myself go... and go...and blooming breeches...by 2010-2011, I'm over 200, which I didn't know because I kept assuming I was 185-194.

During this period, I tried taking phentermine and my weight would fluctuate. I wouldn't eat since it is a hunger suppressant. But, oh my...the mood swings were dangerous and I didn't care to be "Sybil" to my family.

I tried Zumba at the beginning of 2011 but that was a phase.

As the year went by and summer came along, I was disgusted in myself because I would always say to myself at the beginning of the years before that, "This is it..I am going to eat healthy and lose weight." I would project myself 3 months from that time and then six months. But, did it happen? No.

I was beginning to feel emotionally depressed, disgusted with myself but I  would just eat because it was a big ole' pity party for me.

It didn't help the fact that I would read and review posts on Twitter and Facebook of "before and after" photos and stories. And would be inspired and I would dream about "what if I do that?"yet I wouldn't do anything. I would ask Dan if he would go walking with me after work but we are pretty wiped out after work.

The Wake-Up Call: I seen a picture of myself at a Tweetup. Holy schnikey's...I am a whale.

As I kept looking at that pic, I thought "I am 40 years old and you need to do something."

I really had to do something. I was tired from walking... I hated the stairs... My office always had food out and about... and I started to look pregnant with a swollen stomach and swollen ankles.

Because I love writing on Yelp, I decided to see if there were Beach Boot Camps like the one my friend was involved in North Carolina.

Enter in...SOHI Fitness

I read their website.. I looked at Crossfit... I looked at other websites. I looked at 24 hour fitness but I dislike that place because it's literally a meat market of 20-30 somethings...or you can count the over 40 who are sometimes going through a mid-life crisis.

I returned back to reviewing SOHI Fitness because I wanted something that would work. I read the reviews and noticed the following words:

• Gasping
• Sweating
• Wanting to vomit
• Sand bags
• Burpees
• Bear Crawls

It peaked my interest and I looked at the class times. It was the timeframe that I wanted because if possible, I didn't want to work out afterwork or on the weekends because the weekends are always taken with family time or ministries.

I scrolled down to the prices and debated should I?

Then, I thought to myself that if I pay for the classes, it was a push for me to get my money's worth and not give up.

Determined I called up Dan, "I want to join a bootcamp class. I need it."

While I am saying this, I am hoping he doesn't say anything because there are times where I would assume that his tone sounded discouraging but I know he is not discouraging me at all. I think it was the fact that he seen me start something then not finish. I didn't want him thinking this was another one.

After speaking with him, I emailed and inquired if it was too late to start a Monday class. The response was quick. I paid through paypal and printed my confirmation. Through all this, I was excited. I was determined to do this.

Sunday night, I got my bag ready, so I could wake up at 4:30am to head to Ala Moana Beach Park.

I was almost late to class but it was a good thing that the other bootcamp class was nice enough to point me to SOHI Fitness.

First day...I wanted to die.

I wasn't measured until the 2nd class. I was 217 lbs...She advised me to send her my meal diary. Talk about wanting to ignore that fact but there was the talk going on in my head that if I was serious...I need to be brutally honest with Megan (my trainer) as well as myself. No sugar coating anything. I was afraid she would be like my cousin's trainer but to my surprise after I sent the email. She came back with suggestions of eating moderately and substituting food here and there. She later explained that you can't ask someone to cut out anything because they will go back on it. However, I was already drinking more water and minimizing any soda. I started eating healthier breakfast as well as lunch.

Two weeks went by and she just wanted to weight me. I dropped about 8 lbs. We were both surprised.

About almost 6 weeks into my class sessions, the worst thing happened. I sprained my calf muscle attempting to run up a hill. I had to rest it from 4-6 weeks. Megan assured me that I could resume my sessions once I was recovered.

First day back to class was at Kakaako. She was so enthusiastic and supportive that she wanted to weigh me. I was hesitant because I ate Jack in the Box the night before and worried that I gained weight.

But, I actually dropped under 200.

She shared she wanted to do this for me by checking up on me periodically because she knew it was my goal to lose weight and get fit.

During the holiday season, I was lazy and would go to class here and there but one particular class, Megan decided to incorporate TRX with a regular boot camp. That was the beginning of my budding fascination of TRX.

She posted discussions about having TRX classes in the morning and I decided that at the beginning of 2012, I would switch to TRX classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays but start running on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday because I needed to start doing things on my own to maintain a healthy lifestyle on my own without depending on classes to keep me fit. In addition, I felt like my body was at a plateau.

Mind you, this is all going through my head during the holidays. So, to celebrate this decision and my pursuit for a healthy lifestyle with the thought to challenge myself, I decided to celebrate it by hiking Koko Head Trail.

If you are on my Instagram, Facebook or Path--you would see the before and after pics of me.

Was I happy? Of course because my husband wasn't expecting my son and I to make it up there that fast.

I cannot explain the exhilarating feeling I experienced and it is because 6 months before that...I would have not even celebrated this way. There were so much reasons for me to climb that trail and one was for myself but for my son as well because he went through so much. This accomplishment was more than just making it to the top. It went deeper within ourselves that most likely set in our hearts that with God...all things are possible. With determination and prayer...we will reach our goals.

I was so excited that I posted these thoughts as well as my before and after pictures because heck yeah...I am proud of myself. I actually didn't flake out.

As I write this blog, I have realized that only a handful of people knew how much I was working out. I barely spoke with anyone about my bootcamp and eating habits. Call it silly but I didn't want to screw myself up. This was something personal for me. It wasn't a "Look at me-I'm going to try and lose weight." It wasn't like that all...it was something that I knew I was serious and determined to make a change in my life not just physically but emotionally/mentally.

Working out or getting fit was something that I have been wanting to do but never finished before August 2011.

Is it because I lacked self-assurance? No, because I know who I am despite the fact that it is annoying when people will comment on my assertiveness as being bossy and headstrong.

Is it because I feel old? No, I am not afraid to admit my age and am not about to buy clothes that doesn't match my age.

However, it is because I was on a downward spiral of unhealthiness and it was creeping on my weight. In addition, after reading articles over and over that once women reach a certain age, it is difficult to lose weight. It can happen BUT it takes extra effort as you advance in age.

Plus, I knew that I needed to step up or face being a sad, miserable overweight person who was not comfortable with being fluffy.

Don't get me wrong, I know there are women who are comfortable with whatever weight they are in and for me, that is downright sexy because of their attitude and outlook.

But, I wasn't comfortable with being overweight. I wanted to make sure that I was comfortable with how I look as well as eating a little more selective to make sure that I don't fall away.

Don't get me wrong, I still eat my junk food...with moderation. Do I think twice about what I want to eat? Yes, I do. However, if I am craving for something...I'll definitely eat it (not gorge).

I have given myself 3 month goal lines. Hopefully by the end of the summer (it makes a year of bootcamping), I will be down to my goal weight.

Am I going to make it? I know I am because there is nothing else to do but go forward.

To be continued...

It's faith...not magic

Extraordinary prayer and fasting are not tools to get whatever we want from God. They are demonstrations of radical submission and surrender to God's power and will. ~Unknown